Steve and Zack's Panic Attack: Week 9

Welcome back to Week 9 of Steve and Zack’s Panic Attack! Zack here with you this week, and I am here to tell you: we are officially in the thick of it. The leaves are changing, the NFL trade deadline is here, and the playoff picture is coming into focus whether we like it or not. It’s not just panic season anymore, it’s sadness season, and a lot of your fantasy teams are about to find out that nobody mourns the wicked (or the 2-7 struggle buses).

First off, I wanted to bring up some honorable mentions who had a rough week, but have mostly been super consistent all year. D’Andre Swift had a quiet game, but his workload has been rock solid all year, so we are giving him a pass. Jared Goff was brutal this week, but he has been one of the best fantasy QBs this year so we are hoping it's just a one time thing (even if I lost three leagues because of him this week). 

Here’s the thing about panic: it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes the alarm bells are ringing for a reason, and ignoring them is how you end up starting a guy who’s been a disaster for a month because he was “due.” Other times, one ugly game is just one ugly game, and trading away a proven producer at the bottom of his value is how leagues get lost. The trick is knowing which kind of panic you’re dealing with. For every player whose usage has quietly cratered, there’s a team whose whole offense is trending the wrong way, and for every scary box score, there’s a bounce-back waiting around the corner. Before you start smashing the trade button, take a deep breath, check the workload, and let us tell you who’s worth sweating and who’s just having a bad day.

Now, onto the main course: our true panic-worthy stars. These guys struggled in ways we simply did not want to think about prior to this week. Enjoy Steve and Zack’s Panic Attack!

Jags @ Ravens

Ravens Offense

• Derrick Henry: 17 car, 57 yds
• Zay Flowers: 3 car, 17 yds, 6 tgt, 3 rec, 6 yds
• Without Lamar Jackson and Snoop Huntley, the Ravens are now the Ravents… nevermind bad pun. The Ravens’ offense is truly awful with their current QB situation and even though they traded for Jacoby Brissett, I don’t feel great about the future of this team. However, they should get an early chance to redeem themselves next week against the struggling Chargers.   
• Panic Meter: 7.5/10. Yeah we are using decimals. 8 felt too harsh. The Ravens will need to show they can play offense with Brissett, or this team may find themselves in the Panic Room soon.

Cowboys @ Colts

Josh Downs

• 6 tgt, 3 rec, 24 yds
• PLEASE SWEET BABY JESUS CAN SOMEONE TRADE FOR THIS MAN AND SAVE HIM FROM THIS ATROCITY. The Colts are so bad at football. Josh Downs is a product of his situation. This isn’t an indictment on his talent.  
• Panic Meter: 8/10. Josh Downs is already in hell, so adding him to the Panic Room feels like cruel and unusual punishment. If he is not traded before the deadline he will be forced to join the other inmates though.

Bengals @ Falcons (Madrid Edition)

Chase Brown

• 9 car, 57 yds, 3 tgt, 3 rec, 18 yds
• Chase Brown is allergic to touchdowns. Even when he scores a touchdown, the refs call it back so Chase Brown doesn't have an allergy attack. His workload has also been noticeably light lately. It just doesn't look great for Mr. Brown.
• Panic Meter: 8/10. This is becoming more than a string of bad games. At this point, it just feels like a mediocre season for Chase Brown. Not quite Panic Room material since he is still mostly playable, but it's disappointing for a guy almost everyone had high hopes on.

Michael Penix Jr.

• 20/31, 162 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT, 3 car, 50 yds
• I don’t think Mike Penix is very good at football. Outside of his three runs, Penix was basically fantasy irrelevant this week in Spain. Tua would objectively be worse, but maybe not much worse. I don’t have much else to say. It feels like Penix has only played a handful of decent games since becoming the Falcons’ starter. 
• Panic Meter: 7/10. He's not an all-out panic guy yet, but he just kinda sucks. Misses open guys constantly, hates Kyle Pitts, panics under pressure, there's just so many things that make him annoying as an NFL QB. But maybe the Falcons just aren't that good.

Broncos @ Panthers

Jalen Coker

• 1 car, -3 yds, 5 tgt, 4 rec, 29 yds
• Cokeheads shield your eyes. Jalen Coker has been struggling as of late. Over his last three games, he has an average of 5.5 Half PPR fantasy points. This has GOT to turn around, or us cokeheads are going to turn to DK Methcalfs to hold us over. Coker has been completely unplayable in fantasy lately, while Bryce Young, Tetairoa McMillan, and Chuba Hubbard have all been fine. Hell, even Darren Waller was good this week.
• Panic Meter: 6/10. It seems the Panthers’ offense is unable to support more than 2.5 guys per week. Until further notice, I would consider starting non-drug-related WRs in your lineup over Coker.

Giants @ Eagles

Eagles Offense (minus my sweet prince Makai Lemon)

• No Stats Necessary. It was awful.
• The Eagles offense is PUTRID. Half the team is injured; the other half of the team is terrible. It’s honestly hard to watch. The Giants’ defense is good, but that doesn’t excuse this performance. I honestly don't know if there are many reasons left to believe in this Eagles team as it is. I wonder if Saquon will get traded. I mean, this is straight chaos. 
• Panic Meter: 9/10. Joe Milton did not help. One more week until we see Cole Payton probably. Screw it! One more week before everyone on the Eagles gets Panic Roomed. Yeah it’s a verb now why not. 

Raiders @ 49ers

Ashton Jeanty

• 6 car, 25 yds, 7 tgt, 5 rec, -5 yds
• Bruh. Ashton Jeanty is clearly competing with Mike Washington to see who can have more negative yardage plays per snap. This is getting ridiculous. Does Klint Kubiak just hate running backs? Am I watching the wrong Raiders team? These are questions that I need to ask, because why is Ashton Jeanty playing like garbage and being treated like a second class running back like his name is Devin Singletary (who managed to get 21 carries and still only end up with 31 rushing yards because he is terrible)?
• Panic Meter: 9/10. I am at my wit’s end here. One more week of this and I swear to God I’m Panic Rooming him. His receiving usage is the only thing keeping him even slightly alive. Actually, screw it! ASHTON JEANTY WELCOME TO THE GODDAMN PANIC ROOM!

Bucs @ Bears

Baker Mayfield

• 18/32, 243 yds, 0 TD, 2 INT, 1 car, 0 yds
• The Bucs would have won this game if Baker just never threw the ball… Oh wait, they literally won a game by doing that last week. The Bucs’ defense is incredible and Baker just can't stop himself from ruining it. Breece Hall had a famous quote about the Jets a couple years back and I think it applies here: “Teams shoot themselves in the foot, then we come back and shoot ourselves in the head.” Baker Mayfield needs to stop shooting himself in the head.  
• Panic Meter: 9/10. Just like Jeanty, I am at my wit’s end. 

Emeka Egbuka

• 1 car, 1 yd, 5 tgt, 3 rec, 38 yds
• It really doesn't feel like his fault. Between the injuries and atrocious QB play, Egbuka has suffered what many of us fear to be a “sophomore slump”. Hopefully he finds a way to turn it around. But no matter how open he gets, it seems whatever QB is throwing him the ball is blind, confused, sacked, or just plain inaccurate.  
• Panic Meter: 8/10. We are slowly creeping towards Panic Room territory, but let's give him another week or two back from his injuries before we fully lose our minds. 

The Panic Room — Week 8 Intake

For anybody new around here, this isn't where we send players after one bad Sunday. Everybody has a bad game. Hell, sometimes the weather decides nobody is allowed to throw a football. No, the Panic Room is reserved for our repeat offenders. The guys who have spent multiple weeks disappointing fantasy managers, ignoring their draft capital, and testing our patience. Unfortunately, nobody's earned their freedom just yet.

The Panic Room is open for visitors once again this week. And unfortunately, we have a few new faces. These are our biggest long-term offenders this year, and so far, nobody who has entered the Panic Room has been let out. If you have these guys on your fantasy teams I am truly sorry for your loss(es).

Brian Thomas Jr. — STILL INCARCERATED. I’m gonna keep this one short. If he doesn't get traded at the deadline he's dead to me.

Omarion Hampton — SOLITARY CONFINEMENT. I don’t even know if it’s Mike McDaniel’s fault anymore. Is that crazy? Omarion is just not that great. On top of that the Chargers’ whole offense is just terrible. Seems like he won’t be leaving anytime soon.

Justin Herbert — PAROLE DENIED… AGAIN. I am starting to think we should be on Andrew Luck watch. If this keeps going the way it's going, not even Jeremiah Smith can save the IF Man. For now, we are going to keep denying him parole, and he will be stuck here reminiscing on past seasons when he used to be good. 

Marvin Harrison Jr. — PAROLE DENIED. In a week where seemingly every Texans player was good, Marvin Harrison Jr. continued doing absolutely nothing. Parole Denied. Nothing ever changes these days.

Cam Ward — PAROLE HEARING PENDING. Bye week. See y'all next week when we decide if he gets to leave.

Jaylen Waddle — STILL INCARCERATED. Somehow he made a great downfield play early… then he got hit in the head and got a concussion so he could stay in the Panic Room. He must love it here.

Ashton Jeanty — NEW ARRIVAL. Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome. No this isn’t a Cabaret, I’m just getting tired of dealing with Mr. Jeanty’s BS every week. Until further notice, he is on strict watch here in the Panic Room. 

Baker Mayfield — NEW ARRIVAL. He Had It Coming! In Chicago, Baker stunk up a storm and thus finds himself joining the Cell Block Tango! Baker might just need to stop sucking. This is getting horrendous. He's locked up here until he figures out how to effectively complete passes again, maybe even longer. How can your team be better when you don't complete a pass?

Ugh. Eight residents… Eight despondent souls fated to roam the Panic Room cells until the day they perish. I hope next week we get to let someone out because at some point we’re gonna need a bigger boat. 

Final Thoughts

So many players got hurt this week. That's not what this article is about, but damn it isn’t great to lose like 6 players to IR every week. Hopefully Dr.Ribu’s Injury Desk has more space than this Panic Room. The bodies are adding up, and I truly wish everyone the best of luck with their fantasy lineups for the rest of the season. 

Now tell us: Who belongs in the Panic Room after Week 9? Who deserves parole? And who are we locking up and throwing away the key on?